Smirnoff books DJ FAIL for ad campaign!

by Chris Cox ~ August 3rd, 2012. Filed under: humor.

The good folks over at Smirnoff have decided to launch a campaign geared towards the “we finally hit the mainstream” DJ world. The problem is that is doesn’t seem that they actually talked to a real DJ when this photo shoot was done!

Advertisers have always jumped on trendy bandwagons to “relate” to their audience, and they can’t be faulted for that. But when trying to relate to an audience you should have an “expert” nearby to keep your campaign legit. Any medical show on TV has a consultant, and every movie set using props has an expert on hand to keep things credible. That being said, any agency that wants to hire a DJ consultant for advertisements, TV, or movies….. just let me know!!!

This is one of those classic “How Many Things Are Wrong With This Picture?” puzzles. Here is what I’ve come up with so far:

1) NO RECORDS! I understand that he could possibly using a computer based system, but the Technic 1200’s are not MIDI or Timecode controllers on their own. You need to put SOMETHING on them, and records are the preferred medium.

2) NO SLIPMATS! I guess it doesn’t matter that there are no slipmats (see #1 above). If DJ Failstorm did have records, though, they would be getting scratched up on the flip side due to the metal platters of the 1200’s.

3) NO NEEDLES! How do you hear an imaginary record? With imaginary needles of course! Oh that’s right, you can’t use a needle without first securing it to…… (see #4)

4) NO CARTRIDGES! The tonearms of the Technics 1200 are as airborne and flighty as a petite gymnast. The cartridge is the anchor that not only holds the needle, but it’s weight makes sure that the law of gravity can kick in and “put the needle on the record”…. (“when the drumbeats go like THIS”).

5) NO MIXER! While it’s true that the mixer could be to the side and out of frame, I really doubt it. If that is the case, then DJ Doofus is pulling off a great DMC-worty beat juggling routine that keeps the crossfader in the middle so he can work the platters like a mad scientist of slice. Now it is possible that the mixer could be ABOVE the turntables in some kind of “let’s find the LEAST ergonomic position to ensure we develop tendonitis” experiment. I like to think that DJ Smirnoff Swagger has the mixer mounted in a waist-level rack and is so well endowed that he can cut the crossfader with his turgid “mixTool.”

6) NO POWER! It should be no surprise that the kind of club that would book DJ Count Drunkula couldn’t afford to pay their power bill, but since the overhead lights seem to be bouncing off of the walls I guess he just forgot to plug in the turntables… AGAIN! OR… the DeVry dropout architect that designed this DJ booth casually forgot to install any power outlets.

7) NO CUSTOMERS! DJ Floppyfingers and his barfly “trick-O’-the-night” seem to be the only patrons in this magical den of imaginary beats. Maybe his skillset is so amazing that the promoters had a very private booth built for him so he won’t be bothered by customers yelling requests at him. Requests like….
“Where’s your records, man?”
“Why are you so happy… you just cleared the floor?”
“Hey DJ, can you play something we can HEAR???”
Another possibility is that people are kept away by the physical stench of blondie, who is on day #4 of her coked-fueled Smirnoff binge since she broke up with the doorman.

8) NO DESIGN! The owner of this venue thought he would cut corners by hiring student designers. It was good that he caught them exactly as they were studying the “Mid 90’s Sponge Patterns” chapter of their “Semi-Modern Paint History” textbook. Since he didn’t want to let any of them down, he let each student paint and drape one wall each in whatever color of their choosing, with no regard of what color the neighboring wall was.

9) NO ACCESSORIES! A female school friend pointed out that when she looked at the picture, all she saw was that the girl wasn’t wearing any kind of jewelry. The thing is that she WAS wearing her Grandmother’s vintage necklace two days ago, but she had to take it to the pawnshop because she is trying to make payments to her TV advertised attorney so she can try to win back custody of her seven year old son…… IF she can ever leave this damn club where the ghost beats are SOOOO hot!

In summary, Smirnoff gets a B- for the INTENT of trying to “connect” with the legal-aged drinking kids (or at least the ones who talked their older siblings into running to the liquor store with $10 of their hard-earned fastfood paycheck while mom and dad are out of town). As for the EXECUTION of this ad, they get a low D- (Hey, at least there were 2 turntables).

Please Advertise Responsibly………..

Article written by Chris Cox

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